Country Music For People Who Hate Country Music: The Final Countdown

Two in one day again, for two reasons. One, the last entry was short, and two, I’m getting a little tired of this being the only thing on my blog. I had a lot of fun with this, but I’m at the very beginning of the site, and this is now like 90% of my content. It’s time to move on to other things. And so, without further ado…

Oh Lord, Here Comes The Bullshit

These are the songs on the list that, if you still hate country music, you will not like. However, there are two great hopes in tacking them on to the end. The shiny one is that you might hear them slightly differently having been given the context of the honestly better stuff beforehand. The other one is that you will still hate them and they will make the other stuff look better by comparison. Honestly, some of these are only here so we can point and laugh together. It’s okay. These didn’t make the cut for the Personal Taste segment, but I’m too fond of them to leave them out them entirely. To a one, they embody that 80s and 90s sounds that is so nostalgic for me, and so here they are, to round out your introduction to country for people who hate country. I hope that you won’t hate all of these. You will probably feel some kinda way about at least a few.

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Heads Carolina, Tails California by Jo Dee Messina

Ultimate singalong on a roadtrip song. If this is the one you don’t like I’m gonna be mad.

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Girls With Guitars by Wynona Judd

A 90s girlpower jam from the adolescence of my siblings. This one has a unique sound that could probably open a whole mini-wormhole into the 90s, but for now it’s just here because I like it.

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She’s In Love With The Boy by Trisha Yearwood

First song I ever had a lil playground crush to. Don’t think about that too hard, I was like six.

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She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy

            This song. This fucking song is garbage. You hate country music? You fucking hate this song. It is the thing you don’t like. It’s all of the things. Absolutely horseshit song. It’s so goddamn silly. I love it so much. Just look at it. Give it a listen. It’s ridiculous. Holy Shit.

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Third Rock From the Sun by Joe Diffe

Story about dumb shit happening in a small town. Check the mullet on that album cover. Party in the back all over. This song is not as silly as the last one, but it’s still up there. Par for the course with Joe Diffe, honestly.

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Should’ve Been A Cowboy by Toby Keith

Okay no you know what? This song is good actually.

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And A Final Note…

Thank you for taking this journey with me. I hope you have at least in part enjoyed the written equivalent of being at a party where a guy does a gigantic bong rip and then starts talking about a music genre for a really long time. The very last song on the list is in a category all its own, and is sort of a final effort to connect even if you made it through without finding a single song you were interested in.

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You see, I fucking hate this song. It’s the only song on the list that I genuinely cannot stand. I can’t even tell you why, it just bothers me. It’s a super annoying song. So why is it here? So we can hate it together, because sometimes even people who legitimately love country music can take a moment to fucking hate country music. For your displeasure, please take this song that I hate:

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Watermelon Crawl by Tracy Byrd

There’s not even anything really wrong with it. I just hate this song.

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Goodnight.